30 is only 10 years from 20, yet so much happens in 10 years! For some, the 10 years involved marriage and babies, for others marriage, babies and divorce, and then there are others who’ve just behaved as if they were 20 for the past 10 years.
There are a few reasons that women could be single at 30:
a) They haven’t found ‘Mr Right’
b) They thought they had found ‘Mr Right’ but he was in fact ‘Mr Wrong’
c) They knew he was ‘Mr Wrong’ from the start but still went with it
d) Mr Right/ Mr Wrong died
To person d, I’m really sorry for your loss. If you’re reading this I presume that you’re ready to find love again. To a, b, and c, Mr Right is a Myth! Like Centaur – the half-horse-half man creature. Have you ever seen one of them? No! Because they don’t exist. Neither do handsome knights. And that riding into the sunset and living happily ever after; it’s a fairy-tale.
Now that I’ve burst your bubble and expelled the myth of Mr Right, let’s talk about finding love after 30, when you’ve started hearing your body clock tick-tick-tick…
Stop for a moment and think. Think about what you want in life and where you’d like to see yourself in years to come. Get to know yourself more. What’s your character like, what do you like doing, what characters work best with yours? If you’re an outgoing person, you won’t work well with a hermit!
Your body clock is ticking…You want to meet a good man and have kids, but your eggs are about to reach their best before date.
Stop swiping right! Do not rush into anything that you may regret. Sometimes slow is fast. Get to know the person before accepting a sperm donation. You don’t want to be bound for 18 years to an @sshole!
Do not make the mistake of going back to your ex because you feel like he is your only option. It didn’t work last time, or the time before, or the time before that. So, move on!
Hopefully you’ve learned from your past mistakes. You can’t afford to make the same mistakes you made when you were 20 and your eggs were still fresh.
There are traits in men that you cannot work with. Read the signs, know how to recognise them, and STAY AWAY from men who have these traits.
As I’ve already mentioned, there is no Mr Right, or Mr Perfect (there is no Miss Perfect either btw!) If a man has qualities you aren’t fond of but can live with…proceed with caution. Get to know him more to see if his good qualities outweigh the bad.
If his bad qualities outweigh the good, then take a detour. Road closed.
Don’t waste time going in circles, if he isn’t what you’re looking for don’t feel you must be with him out of charity or fear of being left on the shelf. There is nothing wrong with being single – even in your 30s! And believe me, it’s better to be single than to be with Mr Wrong!
Many of us are single moms looking for love, and not just looking for love but lasting love with a man that can be a good role model for your kids. It’s not a bad thing to be ‘picky’ – especially when you have kids. Kids eat, kids need clothing, kids need love and protection amongst other things. You don’t want to be dating a man with no plan. Now I’m not saying be a gold digger – but date a man with a plan! A man with a decent job that can afford to take care of you and your kids (even if you work).
That broke @ss man may talk the talk and look loveable, but a wise woman once told me “you cannot live on love and fresh air”. Did you know that money problems are a leading cause of divorce? Read this article from the Independent for to learn more.
No matter how good a man seems, if there is another woman on the scene; give way. Just walk away – unless of course this is normal in your culture. There are cultures where men can have more than one wife. In Zimbabwe men often have a’ big house’ and a ‘small house’. (A wife (big house) and a girlfriend (small house)– and it seems to be acceptable practise.) If this is not your culture, the man is probably a player. Do you really want to spend time and energy fighting off other women?
Once you’ve found a man who ticks all the important boxes, then keep moving forward. Get to know each other even more and see if you’re a good fit for each other. Do you enjoy each other’s company and complement each other? Do you get on well with each other’s kids?
In any relationship, there will be bumps. No matter how well you get on, you’re still getting to know each other and may ‘stand on each other’s toes’.
Relationships are work. Have you ever heard the saying that ‘the grass is greener on the other side because they water it’? It’s so true. Relationships need looking after and nurturing like plants. If you don’t give them what they need to grow, they will wither and die. Keep working on your relationship.
Communication is important in a relationship. Don’t stop communicating. Communication is a two-way thing by-the-way, and includes listening as well as making your thoughts and feelings known. People communicate differently, be sure to learn and understand the way your partner communicates.
Stay side by side, supporting each other.
And you’ll be together until you have no teeth and don’t remember your partners name.
Disclaimer: I have learned a lot from my past experience and from the experience of others, including my parents who’ve recently celebrated 45 years of marriage.
And you won't miss a thing! Receive email updates and resources to help you keep fit and healthy.